I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
