It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Farmville is her only friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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