if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
