Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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