Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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