Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
