the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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