so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
