maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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