On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
