when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
