fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
