She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
