Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
