Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
