I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
