omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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