What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
