90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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