I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
