somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
