Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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