Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
