i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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