My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
