i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
