Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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