Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
