Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
