I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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