omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bring me that man meat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
