i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
