You can't special order awesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
