She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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