so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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