So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
