What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
