I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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