my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
