Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
