her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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