Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize