i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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