you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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