just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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