Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
