I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
