Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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