sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
