Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
