weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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