is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
