i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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