Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
