yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
