I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
