in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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