Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
