i just had sex bonerless
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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