So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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