It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Mom said you looked used
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize