Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
