their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
