I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
