Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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