I think my fart just growled at me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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