dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
