Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
