i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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