they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
