So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
