I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
