Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize