We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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