I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize