Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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