What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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