I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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