I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
