Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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