Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
