Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
