I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
