I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize