Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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