You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
