I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
