If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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