Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
