I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Your dad touched me again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
