He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
