The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
