I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
