Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
