Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
