you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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