This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
