Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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