I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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