nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
