god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
