Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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