I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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