Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize