EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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