She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
