If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
