I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
